Do you find your self yelling at your kids more than you would like?
I completelly get you! I am that mom and doing my best to recover from this. Most of us do this when “kids don’t listen”, but there is so much more to this.
I know you are probably like me OVERWORKED mom. I know what it’s like to keep up with household, chores, feed the family, clean and keep everyone happy.
For me is when I find myself the most frustrasted and want to yell, is when I need them to do something in a particular moment, while I’m putting out other fires like my younger needs changing or something is pending with my work.
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I was just listening to Amy McCready who is a true expert on parenting and I implemented some of the things I learned so I will share them with you. Definitely look her up if you’d like to learn more on this topic.
What are the 3 behaviors your children do that mostly causes you to yell?
For example it can be getting angry when playing online games, not sharing with sibilings or talking back to you…
Think about this deeper than just “not listening”. Why and what are they doing?
There are two main rooths of behavior, good or bad, and those are ATTENTION and POWER.
Kids seek attention and if they don’t get it they will behave badly as long as that gives them needed attention. The second is they want to feel like the have power.
“Human beings are born with free will”
It is ALWAYS their choice. And as parents we think we can make them do something they don’t want to. This is why time outs, 123 counting doesn’t work, especially when dealing with strong willed child.
There is a difference between PUNISHMENT and DISCIPLINE.
Punishment is when we cause BLAME, SHAME or PAIN and it is not a way to go.
Discipline with consequences is completely different and when done this way, can work amazingly. This is exactly what I’ve started doing this past week with my kids.
In order for Discipline with consequences to work you have to follow 5 R’s.
Here’s what they are:
- R1- Respectful- wait to talk with your child when you’re calm
- R2- Related to behavior- it has to be related in order to work
- R3- Reasonable in duration- whatever that is appropriate for their are
- R4- Revealed in advance- before you do it, your child needs to know the consequence that will happen
- R5- Repeat back- have your child repeat it back to you that they understand
Start your R1 with “I noticed”… then tell them. Explain what the consequence will be if they do it again.
Follow through- but don’t do “I told you so”- just say “I see you choose your (privilages to be taken)… and I trust you’ll make a better choice next time”.
Was this helpful?
If it was feel free to share and definitely let me know if you implemented it and how it worked for you. 🙂
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